Household Principles for Children from the Old Testament

Lamentations of the Father by Ian Frazier

Laws of Forbidden Places

Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all
foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living
room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may
eat, but not in the living room.
Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat,
but not in the living room.
Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the
cereals that are of bright colour and unknown provenance you may eat,
but not in the living room. Of quiescently frozen dessert and of all
frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room.

Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you
may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such
therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet
begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you
drink.

But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may
you eat in the living room."