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01 August, 2007

WORDS WOMEN USE

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying FUCK YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, refer to #3.

2 comments:

Abby said...

If standing behind these statements (whatever) you must also remember to include... Words "Men" Use. (loud sigh)

"Yes, dear."-- This is the verbal equivalent to the "brush off." He wants you to think he was listening to you as you rattled off the grocery list, while in fact he was, simultaneously, in no particular order, scratching his balls, analyzing Sports Center, and picking up things off the floor with his toes.

"(Grunt.)" A complex nonverbal communication that takes on several meanings, depending on the context. 1: I'm hungry, feed me. 2: I'm horny, screw me. 3: My back itches, can you scratch it? 4: Did you see that idiot? 5: Don't talk, I'm trying to do math in my head. 6: I farted. Don't breathe in.

"Of course not!" A man's reaction to a question that he never heard, or else did not want to answer in truth, i.e. "Do I look fat in this? Should I change these shoes? Do you think that woman is prettier than me?"

"You look beautiful, dear." Don't believe that's his honest opinion about your choice of clothing for the evening. He's simply thinking about the steak he's going to have for dinner, and trying to plot ways to get you to that piece of meat in a quick and efficient manner.

"I'm sorry." Probably not. He still thinks he's right. It's all a facade for, "I give up. Can we have sex now?"

And finally, the phrase most women married to a hot-blooded American man hate to hear, "Hey, babe, the game's on. Could you get me a beer?"
To that, I say, "What the hell's the matter with your legs, are they broken? And while you're up, could you get me a beer, too?"

Written by: Abby :)

Maddog said...

Brilliant reposte.

Touche!